“Judge not lest ye be judged.” (Mathew 7:1) Let’s not take lightly these words calling us to humility as we speak about our fellow humans.

The other day I was listening to another mama as she began to gossip about someone we both know. I waited a few minutes in silence to see if she would stop when I didn’t respond, but she continued. Then I said, “Mama, let’s change the subject please. I’d like to see with my own eyes and know her for myself.” She abruptly stopped. I smiled, she smiled back, and we talked of other things. She seemed quite content to do so.

I’ve made a commitment not to collude with anyone who is backbiting or making ethnic or racist jokes or comments. We are all children of God, and our failings are between us and God, not anyone else’s business. The Holocaust Museum in Washington, D.C. has a sign that reads: “Thou shalt not be a victim. Thou shalt not be a perpetrator. Above all, thou shalt not be a bystander.” If someone backbites in front of us, saying nothing is being a bystander, telling them it’s okay with you.

I’m aware that in any small town or island, gossip is currency. I don’t mind the coconut wireless sharing news of people. “This one is ill.” “That one just flew to New Zealand.” “That one is planning a wedding.” It’s the put-downs and judgments I won’t participate in. For one thing they are rarely accurate and usually lack the whole story. There are always at least two sides to consider before we can grasp the truth. It’s like the game of whispers or telephone, where a message is passed from one ear to another. What comes out the other end hardly ever resembles the starting sentence.

There is one exception to this practice of avoiding talk behind someone’s back. That is when a child’s wellbeing or even their life is in danger. We need to stop sweeping abuse under the carpet. As someone said recently at a service provider stakeholders’ meeting, “And we don’t even have carpets.”  If we have good reason to believe a child is unsafe, we need to tell someone in authority so that the case can be investigated. Not discuss it elsewhere but get it explored. We can tell a medical person, a counselor, the police, a social worker, or Internal Affairs, but for the sake of privacy, including that of the child, let’s stop there and not start rumours.  Incidents do occur in this paradise where family is valued so deeply, and neighbours look out for and care for one another. 

How do we balance the virtues of respect for privacy and the responsibility to care for one another? It takes discernment to decide. Meanwhile let’s keep in mind guidance from scripture. Matthew 7:3-5 “And why behold you the mote that is in your brother's eye, but consider not the beam that is in your own eye...” or Baha’u’llah’s warning in the Baha’i Writings: “Backbiting quencheth the light of the heart, and extinguisheth the life of the soul.” Wow. Pretty clear that we have lots of spiritual work to do on ourselves and need to avoid the dangers of backbiting for the sake of our own souls. - Linda Kavelin-Popov