Preparations for the holidays are now underway, and rellies are already arriving. We all start out with high hopes for a memorable and enjoyable family celebration, yet there are often disruptions that pop that bubble of hope, resulting in disappointment and disillusionment about the magic of the season, writes Linda Kavelin-Popov.

There are three culprits that need to be rounded up to prevent them from stealing the Christmas spirit: First, backbiting and negativity; second, excessive alcohol; third, money issues. A common habit is to avoid face to face confrontations and talk behind someone’s back instead.

One virtue to remedy that is Peace, which requires us to give up the love of power for the power of love and helps us to put the virtue of unity above being right or proving someone else wrong. It may be easier to talk about a family member behind their back but when it gets to their ears -- and it will— it creates conflict and resentment.

One peaceful approach is to make a simple, positive request: “Sis, would you be willing to hear how I see it?” Then call on honesty and tact to state your case. Focusing on the good qualities in each other rather than judging the negative qualities is a powerful way to bring peace to any relationship. Secondly, excessive alcohol gives license to release all inhibitions and often leads to abusive language and actions.

Especially in family gatherings, when old hurts can resurface, it is not the time to let go of one’s self-control, which is one of the nine fruits of the spirit we are called to grow. Know your limit, drink within it. Thirdly, money. It is expensive to feed the dozens of adults and children who arrive for Christmas. The virtues needed are assertiveness and consideration. One assertive mama told me she lets her family know before they arrive that they are welcome to sleep marae style in her home, “but I don’t cook.”

They know they must chip in for the food and bring it in for everyone to share. Consideration means thinking about the host’s needs and sharing the costs together. I have another suggestion. Make time away from the noise of family togetherness to have quality time with individuals you are close to.

A walk on the beach, a quiet lunch together, a drive around the island --a chance for an in-depth catch up. Ephesians 4:3 says, “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” With the virtues of peace, unity, moderation, and consideration, you’ll have the best holiday ever!