Grooming used to be a political terminology used when speaking of an upcoming potential candidate for future elections. It still resides in the political arena but it has become a sickness, Ruta Mave writes.

Now the word grooming is recognised as the action of behaviour used to establish an emotional connection with a vulnerable person with the objective of sexual abuse. Generally, it is used in regards to those who lure under aged children into sexual abuse. It is equally sickening to hear it is practiced in our own country.

Parents need to be aware of the signs of grooming because it is the preparatory stage of sexual abuse, undertaken to gain the trust and compliance of the child and to establish secrecy and silence to avoid disclosure. It can look like genuine caring behaviour.

Groomers will build a child’s trust by using presents, special attention, treats, spending time together and playing games with non-sexual physical contact. If your friend has no money spending potential but has a new phone or the latest phone, if they have a new scooter or are given trips overseas and new clothes, from their ‘special friend’, these can all be signs of gift giving now for grift taking later.

Favouritism, groomers treat the child as an adult. Treating them differently and making them feel like a unique friend making the child feel more special than others. Telling them they are grown up, able to make their own decisions. Praise can give them the recognition or attentions they craved growing up.

Perpetrators are careful to be seen as a close and caring reliable relative or friend of the family. Stranger danger is not the issue in most rape or child sex cases, it is almost always someone they know and have been told to trust.

Isolation from the family to ensure secrecy and lessen chances of disclosure or belief.

Testing the boundaries, innocent touching gradually develops into accidental sexual contact.

Grooming is not to be ignored because it is the calculated and gradual process by which an offender will ultimately sexually abuse a child.

We may very well be in the throes of a grooming process right now with China. Giving us free buildings and looking very helpful, especially if we keep secrets from ‘mummy’ New Zealand. Our naïve but attention craving Prime Minister is lapping it all up. It may not be literal sexual abuse Cook Islanders have to endure, but the phrase of rape and pillage of our land and seabed has been alluded to more than once since Mark Brown accepted more grants overseas recently.

Have you ever wondered how they got those large orca, killer whales to jump through hoops and swim around those small swimming pools at Sea World? These large beasts who are the definition of wildness, normally roam the oceans of the world, will willingly jump on command so they can get some little fishes.  It is called training. It is also how grooming works. The Orca is rewarded with a fish every time they move in the direction, they want them to go. A prize is given every step closer until they are hooked and addicted to gift giving. Splashing money on special meals, nights out with drinks, new bedroom furniture so they feel like the queen of the Pacific. Larger gifts mean larger moves.

The Orca has no choice, eat, survive or what? Swim around doing nothing all day?

There may be plenty of fish in the sea but none of them are in the pool. The only fish they need to survive comes with requests. If they stop giving the fish, would the behaviour stop too?

You can say the girls are old enough to make up their own minds to not be manipulated by men with presents and agendas. But if gifts can convince an Orca to jump, they can convince a girl too. If it was love, it would exist without gifts, they would be proud to introduce him to their parents and family. But it has to be secret because he is married and is a public figure. These actions abuse his power, position and promises he made in front of God.

There are signs parents and people need to be aware of and then should try to remove the child – person from spending time with the predator when they recognise a groomer.

Understand they are predators. There is nothing innocent or Christian about their intentions, they represent the many serpents in our Paradise.