Anger is a sign of guilt. If you ask your partner if they are cheating on you and they explode in anger yelling, accusations and blaming you as having a problem without a definite reply, it’s often because they are guilty, writes Ruth Mave.

If, they take offence, look hurt and reply “No. Why would you ask that?”  Then you are more likely to have the truthful answer.  Unless, they are a clever narcissistic gas-lighter who has lied so many times, so often, to so many others it is a natural reflex action - then not truthful - just manipulative.

It is a minefield out there and abuse can come in many forms and if we stand by and let it happen without taking action, we are perpetuating it to exist throughout our community.

I have received very strong attacks on me personally since writing to the paper on a weekly basis. It is often done in such a way it is clear the writer had thrown all his toys out of the cot and he well and truly spat his dummy out at me. It has always been a he.

In the past I have left it to lie in the shadows, because it sheds more light on his personality than on mine. But is it better to rise above their explosion of derision, blame shifting, and gas lighting and public verbal flogging of me by not responding? The answer is no. It is not okay, it is abuse and it needs to be pointed out at every incident, every time.

White ribbon day is now. The acknowledgement of violence against women and children.  From the outset it looks like we are celebrating it, rather than taking steps to educate and reform our rather atrocious statistics of abuse in our female population in our supposed Christian community. Something that definitely shouldn’t take ten years to report publicly.

The regular use of verbal abuse, public humiliating and wrongful shaming of women by men is partly what is wrong with our community and legal system. Tolerating abusive action is to give them permission to carry on doing it. Remaining silent, not seeking help, because you are scared and fearful is exactly what they want to achieve by being aggressive. Explanations of excessive use of anger as a tool or shield to achieve control and domination, is often found in those who are themselves fearful.

I trigger male egos because I speak up and speak out. But men need to ‘woke up’ because there is a growing number of strong minded independent intelligent articulate females like me standing their ground because quite frankly, females have had enough. We are done hiding in the shadows of insecure men who benefit off our abilities. Men should learn how to deal with strong women in a calm and mature way, because we are here to stay. 

Instead of spending money on explosions of fireworks that can trigger and scare humans as well as animals in the area, we could be financing ways to highlight the plight of victims.

In Australia they have a series of advertisements showing how words are used to control and manipulate a person within a relationship. It is educational and accessible for everyone to identify how it happens, how it hurts and how it can be understood in a way it can elicit change.

If we educate and highlight the red flag signs to look out for in all forms of abuse, then it might be recognised earlier in homes.

When people are informed, intervention to rescue or prevent those at risk before anything more or worse happens, can be possible. Education creates action, not motorbike rallies.

One of the cardinal rules in good journalism is protecting their source. Offering non de plume and smoke signals promises protection of confidentiality and anonymity.

It is one way to be able to report abuse without suffering ramifications from others.

Abuse is not okay in any form, and it is our duty to uphold, protect and support those who stand up to it.  When the child reports abuse then endures gruelling court appearances where they are publicly shamed by the defence lawyers. We need to give support to them when and how they need it, like allowing them to read their victim impact report in court, which has been shown to start their healing.

A true Christian nation of love peace and harmony should not have such high numbers of abuse. The welfare of women and children should count as more important than money and power. Hiding or not reporting abuse or abusers so it doesn’t shame the family name is shameful. God is watching you say nothing and judges you accordingly.