There is no difference between a mistress and a prostitute, because the base of beneficial rewards lies solely on the delivery of sex, writes Ruta Mave.

My Nana said: “A mistress is some-thing between a master and a mattress.” The ‘other woman’, ‘bit on the side’, ‘fluff’ mistress is often but not always, a single woman younger than he and is in some way or form being paid to have sex with a married man.

More importantly it is their ‘dirty little secret’.

There is no difference between a mistress and a prostitute, because the base of beneficial rewards lies solely on the delivery of sex. It may not be cash on an hourly basis as a legitimate recognised job. But any ‘perk’, free overseas trips, gifts, dinner out, hotel rooms, or work promotions given to and received by the woman is a transaction from selling her body for sex. This is not a love relationship; this is lust at the most, power play at its root.

If she enjoys prostituting herself, then she should be allowed to tell people, be proud and own it. Not wrap it in lies and deceit.

Adulterers lie and some women are unaware of the family unit existing elsewhere.

Newsflash, for those staining their name in the shadows of the public image gallery, it’s not your dirty secret – people know; families, friends know, wives know. It’s not a secret, it is just dirty and downright disgraceful.

Public figures are entrusted with the care of our country and community and if they can break the sacred vows of love, loyalty and faithfulness they made to their wife, then there is no line they won’t cross in business or politics to get what they want. Don’t be fooled, they don’t do it for their country, they do it for themselves.

Polygamy, like it or not, the difference is they make a vow of marriage, everyone knows of each other. In a harem every wife is afforded the same financial shares, time and attention from the man. It is known publicly, declared and accepted. Adultery is a sinister sin.

Why do men cheat? They fancy themselves as a player, the man, with their big ego collecting notches on his headboard. Those who act like a ‘stud’ in reality has low self-esteem. Like ‘short-man’ syndrome they act bigger than what they are, to be noticed. The affairs are all about their insecurities.

They will cheat on the mistress too, once you cross the line with one why not have three.  A married man cheating on his wife doesn’t leave her because he can’t face the societal persecution, especially when holding a public office.

He has a duty and expectation to be above the debase actions of ordinary folk.

Why do women become mistresses? The excitement and thrill of sneaking around avoiding getting caught. Some women love the money, gifts and titles from this arrangement. Do they feel guilty? Intelligent, educated women who sleep their way into top jobs do not and will not ever get respect by those around them.

Some women are wooed into an arrangement by high powered bosses under the influence of alcohol with the promise of a better life or the threat of a worse one. Once they wake up, they feel they have gone too far to get out. Maybe they can’t leave or they are made to stay.

Maybe this is her chance for happiness? Or, she feels this fella is a good guy? If he’s a good guy, why is he breaking his wife’s heart and destroying his kid’s reputation. They always find out, usually from teasing on the playground.

What happens when the mistress wants more, when they want to be the one and only?

A mistress who thinks he is going to leave his wife is sadly misled. Mistresses are not a wife trainee; they are the wife supplement. Her role is a roll in the sheets, easily replaced.

A mistress who makes divorce likely by publicly exposing the affair has stepped outside her assigned role and violated the honour among thieves.