There comes a point in life where you realise that some things, some people and some situations are no longer worth your time energy and emotional investment. That is when you are done. Not mad, not bothered, just done. I am done. Protect your peace at all costs, writes Ruta Mave.

There seems to be a trend at the moment where I am finding a lot of sisters in arms who have come to this place. It is different from saying fine. Fine means a whole other world in negotiating through a female conversation. Fine is the step before done, it says “right I shall carry on”. Done means letting go of the expectation that things will get better or that people will suddenly understand you. Laughter, however, is a stage of the conversation you don’t want to find yourself in. When a woman you are arguing with starts laughing, then all bets are off and there is no leaving peacefully or safely, it is the time you should run quickly, now.

Being done means accepting that some relationships, situations and experiences have run their course and are no longer serving you. Protecting your peace means prioritising your own emotional wellbeing by setting boundaries about who and what you allow into your life.

This is why a majority of women the age of 50 end their marriages and enter into new experiences, relationships and opportunities. They decide their time and energy should be invested in nourishing their mind, body and soul not for their snoring partner or adult kids. Being done is a powerful step towards reclaiming your life and living on your own terms.

There are employers out there who are not valuing their employees, friends or relations.

I have come across diligent, loyal, reliable employees who have been ignored, belittled, bullied and been held to ransom by having their passports or visa restrictions held over them, or made to work in toxic environments, for less hours and or less pay than promised.

Women employees decide to work for money to pay for children life and living, school, sport, pay off the husband’s debts, buy a house or pay rent and pay for family health care. 

Women don’t often choose to work to buy new shoes, they have goals to care and provide.

But once they reach a point where it is not about the money anymore, they stay because they like the job or enjoy the experience. When after years they are not valued, recognised or appreciated they will at the first opportunity try to make it work, then do better, or do more, but eventually comes the day where enough is enough and they put their health and wellbeing first. They have learnt to be done. The first task – get rid of the marriage or the job.

I’m not negotiating my value with anyone. I’m worth it. Been worth it. Will forever be worth it. Our society doesn’t know what to do with a woman who is not seeking its approval.

American politician known as AOC says “The reason women are critiqued for being too loud or too meek, too big or too small too smart to be attractive or too attractive to be smart, is to belittle women, out of standing up publicly.  The goal is to ‘critique’ women into submission and that applies to anyone challenging power.”

Despite many great achievements obtained by males over the years and centuries it is now becoming made public that women have often be the reason for the success. The Apollo mission to land man on the moon in the 1960s has been recently acknowledged the women – black women to be exact as the ‘computers’ who were able to calculate and direct the numbers that made this mission possible. They needed the money and they loved the job but at a later stage they were moved on and ignored to save the face of the man.

When women start to realise their marriage, job, life is not serving them with the joy they wanted or enough money to compensate for the bullying or lack of recognition - they leave. Quietly, without pomp and ceremony without emotion because even if they are sad to leave, even if they don’t want to leave, they are finally boiled to death. They are done.

When girls question rules and traditions they are expected to automatically follow when growing up, they are called trouble. Unquestioned obedience makes them easy to manipulate. Fortunately, we have vaine toa who have taught their daughters to question, and go where no woman has gone before. We have five gorgeous girls in Greece win gold at the Global Robotic World Challenge. Proving intelligent attractive young women can win in a perceived male domain. They have done it. They are our future.