The mixed messages girls grow up with are relentless - don’t mess with bad boys, find yourself a nice boy.

Meanwhile, the boy is being told to sow his wild oats, don’t get yourself stuck with a ball and chain, you’re the man of the house.

Forrest Gump said life is like a box of chocolates, I say it is like a game of chess. In chess, the King is deemed the most important piece because once he’s captured, the game is over. However, the Queen is the most powerful, courageous and talented. She goes out to protect and serve, face the opposition and give her life to ensure the King has an easy life moving from one square to the next. So, it reflects reality, the male gets the kudos while the women run forward back, sideways, diagonal doing all the work.

March 8 is International Women’s Day celebrated for over 100 years. Spurred on by the women’s suffrage movement that began when New Zealand was the first country to give women the vote 1893. The first celebration was 1909 and was internationally recognised since 1975. The aim is to focus global attention on the state of women when it comes to gender equality, bias, stereotypes and discrimination. This year the theme is to #BreakTheBias. Imagine a world that is diverse, equitable and inclusive, where difference is valued and celebrated. The symbol is to stand with arms crossed in front of the body.

The mixed messages girls grow up with are relentless, don’t mess with bad boys, find yourself a nice boy. Meanwhile, the boy is being told to sow his wild oats, don’t get yourself stuck with a ball and chain, you’re the man of the house… It’s confusing how a girl is supposed to find a nice boy, if they are all out having a good time in complete abandonment, with no cares in the world and no accountability.

Then if they get ‘caught out’ and sire a child, it’s not his fault, she trapped him. Maybe he stays for a bit, but a short time into the screaming nights of spew and shit, he finds a job offshore ‘to make money’ and bolts leaving her indoors with bubs and after a couple of money transfers he’s gone. It might take her awhile and another bout of the same scenario leaving her with another mouth to feed, and an absentee sperm donor, before she starts to learn but there comes a time when the light comes on and she no longer wants to play the game, and by that time she is older and deemed by society not eligible for the game. Different rules for girls.
The women institute held a fundraiser at the local night club, promoting the theme “She is not your Rehab” it’s true, it’s not her job to fix him, change him, parent him or raise him. Woman want a partner, not a project – but how do we stop women falling into being just that? #BreakTheBias.

Watching the movie ‘Definitely, maybe’, the daughter asks the dad about his love life, after his explanation he was dating more than one woman during the time he met her mother, she asks “What is the male word for ‘slut’?”. He replies: “I don’t think they have one yet, but I’m sure they will find one soon.” There it is in a nutshell, women are not given the same freedoms to explore, learn and discover the same as boys are, so they most often fall for or settle for the Disney, romantic, pretense of nice guy all too often. Only to become his mother substitute, there to support, provide and nurture his ego. Now with equality thrown at them, they not only have to birth the child, raise the child, but also go work and pay for the child and the father who acts like a child. Women are not his rehab, nor is she his bank, his maid or his minion.

Instead of saying find a ‘nice boy’ or tell them to look for someone who lets her be herself, is not married, gay or hung up over his mother, we should stop believing she or any woman needs a man or relationship to be happy in the first place. The confusion is astounding with contradictions on finding the right one, it’s any wonder girls can make a good choice and continue to make good choices throughout their lives. The best relationship is the one a woman has with herself.
The bias is assuming you are missing out if you are single, they ask ‘Why are you single? ‘You’re attractive, intelligent, creative? Answer – she’s basically over qualified and not willing to settle for anything just to say she has something.

A single woman’s life can be so amazing she doesn’t want or need to be rescued from it. So, stop the bias, encourage your girl to succeed, make her own money, be self-focused, doing so may cost her people, relationships, spaces and material things. Encourage her to choose herself over everything anyway.