Cook Islands experts and activists travelling the globe in search of solutions for the nation’s domestic violence crisis should look closer to home for the answers, says village council leader Gero Toki.

Sharing insights on solutions to the challenges of family violence, Toki shared (in reo Maori) his frank views on the topic: “we seem today to be going out to the world, far and wide, seeking solutions to these issues to lessen or stop violence in our homes and yet the answer is close by,” he told the room, later explaining, “the simplest solution is just sitting right next to us, the answer is right in front of us, or within us. It is the power of words.”

The young councillor from Reureu, Aitutaki, co-presented in a session with the team leader of the Toku Akapuanga e te maroiroi report, Tearoa Iorangi, who provided key findings and newer analysis of a 2014 Family Health and Safety survey of 1,000 women across the Cook Islands.

The data, which also aligns with cases managed by the Cook Islands Family Welfare Association leads Rongo File and Stephanie Vaiimene, also uncovered differences between Northern and Southern Groups, and between Southern groups and Rarotonga, in terms of the experiences shared by survey respondents surviving physical, sexual and intimate partner violence.

Toki’s memories as a survivor of family violence in a session moved many of the audience to tears.
“I think just like any young boy, first in our lives is the mother – sons look up to their mothers, daughters to their fathers,” he said, emphasising the “importance of messages on the power of words.

Say the right words you can change someone, if you say the wrong words, there goes that (entire) home,” he said.

As Toki grew and began to build up towards a retaliation for all the violence and suffering he was witnessing, he says his mother overheard him promising himself he would give his father a taste of what he was dishing out.

“And I am lucky – this is where the power of words came. My mother said, ‘no, don’t do that – he is your father, and one day, you will be a parent too,” he recalls.
She was right.
“I felt the weight and the power of what she said. I often think today of what would have happened if my mother had never said those words to me,” he says.

Now a local government rep, Toki had been amongst those who shared their experiences because of visits and discussions by the CINCW sharing the Te Akapuanga 2024 analysis and later went on to travel with the team to Atiu, to help present and discuss the survey results there.

He says he is certain that words can unlock a solution to the domestic violence and abuse that is so prevalent and silenced in our societies.

“Some people are saying the right words, but the problem is not the words, it’s with themselves. For some people, you may not be the person they trust or look up to or listen to the most. You must look for the person they trust the most. That is the right person. That’s the power of words,” he says.

The domestic and family violence issues discussed today at the Uikaraurau CINCW event will form outcomes for consideration in the final session today. Copies of the Toku Akapuanga report are available from the CINCW. Lisa Leilani Williams