Charity should begin at home but often the poor ones give the most help, and the rich ones use it as an election campaign, writes Ruta Mave.

Charity is hard and it is often easier to give it to others than to those closer to home like family.  They say don’t bite the hand that feeds, but if you volunteer ‘to help those who can’t help themselves’ you can experience utter despair when those to whom you have given your all to help, even before your own family, turn on you. God must feel the same way a lot.

Sometime ago I noticed a mama sitting outside a decrepit container shack. I could see she was very thin under the large men’s shirt and shorts she wore and she had two large dogs who were also lean. Why do those in poor situations have lots of mouths to feed?

I then asked if I could bring her food scraps from my work kitchen to feed the dogs. When that was a given routine, I ventured to ask if she would like some food.

Charity is tricky. Just because a person looks poor and starving does not mean they have no pride. I have learnt if you assume they want charity rather than ask, they can sometimes ‘bite’ from pride and refuse help when help is what they need and what you want to give.

You have to let them set the parameters of how much, when, where and how they are open to be helped. It can be a puzzling time and often doesn’t make much sense or logic but it has to be respected. I offered her my staff meal and she accepted. One day she proudly gave me a bunch of bananas. Her koha repayment keeps her sense of self pride intact.

The dogs were tied to a tree on a short rope sitting on the bare ground or mud. One struggled and cut its throat open trying to get off. I wanted to steal the dog away but I could see she had tended the wound, the dog was off the lead and it still stayed, so who am I to judge what is best for the dog.

Once healed it was back on the rope. I bought various collars to protect their necks and recycled some dog beds to improve their health then to the detriment of my own, I started to take them for walks on a double lead. This was a new concept for them roadside and a nightmare for me. I took them swimming they dog paddled slapping the water like a child trying to save itself from drowning. A comic and heart pulling sight.

I have resisted removing them in the name of good intentions like the social welfare system.

Charity is easier when you can walk away at the end of the day. Charity full time becomes responsibility and a fine line to walk without feeling obligated to rescue. The mama was given a puppy – cute but another mouth. I cannot look at the pup I am already emotionally invested way over my head. Sad reality is, kids get lost because the system is overloaded.

The dogs are excited to see me, they jump up to be the closest. To date I have gone to work with scratches down my face, arms and legs, they have pulled the lead suddenly injuring my hamstring, shoulder rotator cuff and now my back is out. But I go back like an abused spouse because I have invested my emotions beyond my logic.

The mama said I can have them. More despair. Am I stupid if I do, cruel if I don’t? I already have a dog and two cats, what about their needs and where would I put them? When we had all the rain, I found them on my deck cold, wet and hungry how could I refuse? When it was fine I took them home to their rope they cried, so did I.

I am not in a position right now to keep them but I can offer them shelter if and when they want it. I can give care when and where I can and that has to be enough – for now.

I still deliver food and offer to help the mama in other ways, gas bottle to make her medicines, vinyl for her dirt floor. I am not the only one who helps her from the village and she helps the village with her Maori medicines.

What is most alarming is her brother, as she claims, is a Member of Parliament. He stands on the soap box of helping the poor – in his constituency. She is being cared for by another constituency, so I guess she doesn’t count to him despite her being family.

Charity should begin at home but often the poor ones give the most help, and the rich ones use it as an election campaign.